Nights in

I never got the big 18th birthday party, I was pregnant, the best I got was meal to Nando’s( as that would the only meal out I could actually keep down ).Completely different to the huge party I have been planning since I was 16.

Me and the girls all planned to go hide out festival, Ibiza and all the other summer party’s but that never happened.

I haven’t actually had my first clubbing experience,

While all my friends are out having fun in clubs and pubs and in the party islands 

I’m at home with a baby, I could get a baby sitter and go out for the night but no-one asks me anymore, I always get the oh we would of asked you but we didn’t know if you could get a baby sitter…

I lay in bed while my child is asleep watching everyone’s snapchat/Instagram stories of them out and having fun, in the mornings I will see the photos from the night before. I lay here and wish I got an abortion, I wish I lived my life a little, I wish I got to make memories, my life was over before it even began. 

I wanna go out and see the world but what when I remember how good it felt to only worry about myself and no-one else, what if I remember what it was like not to make bottles and change nappies? 

I went out once to the pub only down the road I could still see my house from one of the windows of the pub, I cried when it was time to go home to my life of looking after a child.

Maybe one day I will go out again but the real question is will I return home ?