Noise with dirt on

I would love to sit here and say the gender disappointment has gone but it really hasn’t,

I still struggle on saying the words my son…

I still stand in the girls section and feel my heart breaking all over again like the day I found out I won’t be having a girl.

The jealousy creeps in when you see everyone you knowing having girls and you know in your heart and soul your little girl would of been dressed so much prettier than how they dress there’s.

My other halves uncle & wife are due a baby girl in a few weeks time and although I should feel happy for them as it has took 10 years for them to have a baby and so many rounds of failed ivf i can’t help but feel the jealousy they get to have a daughter and I’m here with a boy

I get compliments on how I dress my child all the time and I should feel greatful that people like how his dressed but I always think in the back of my mind as I smile a say thanks “if his was a girl I would get so many more compliments on how lovely she looks”

I always dreamed about having the matching mother and daughter outfits, 

If one more persons tells me there always next time I may go insane, as this is someone answer for when you say you hate the fact you are the mother of a boy, I have a son not a daughter, I will spend my days cleaning dirt not glitter,

Instead of playing dress up I will be getting footballs out of trees, while everyone I know will be sitting in dance class I’ll be in the boxing ring, as my boyfriend and his family are old fashioned traveller men and women they all believe my child should act like a man he must do boyish things like football and boxing… so think of me while I’m standing in the rain watching 22 boys kick a ball on a field while you can sit in dance class or go shopping for pretty little outfits. Think of me when you take your girl to get her ears pierced I shall be choosing another pair of football boots or boxing gloves, think of me when you first by a pair of princess heels and a dolly.

Think of me,

I always get told there’s always next time but after finding out my other half will be locked up for 10 years ( all because he was in a car with his stupid friend ) ( hopefully the appeal can see his not guilty ) I don’t think there will be a next time.

It is just me and my child for the next few years & I can’t help but think things would of been better if he was a girl, as the bond would be there,

Will this feeling ever go away, will I ever love my son ? 


Gender disappointment 

The question everyone wants to an answer to “what do you want a boy or a girl” every single pregnant woman must reply back with ” I don’t mind as long as baby is healthy” 

What we don’t actually tell people is we have a gender in our heads from the moment we find out we’re pregnant 

We have their clothes picked out, along with the name and all other things

I am one of ten mothers that will get “gender disappointment” and god forgive if you tell anyone about it 

  • Be happy you can have children

  • His healthy that’s all that matters

  • His dads happy to have a son

  • Stop feeling so ungrateful  

The worst one is ” but that’s not a real thing how can anyone be disappointed in a gender of a baby ”

I felt like I needed to tell my story of gender disappointment for others struggling with no-one to talk to because ” your ungrateful ” you are not alone and it is a real thing that should be talked about more !


My baby wasn’t planned but I came to terms with becoming a young mum. Once I came to terms with being pregnant I longed for a little girl with bows & dresses.

Her name was picked and I would not wait to meet my princess.

All the old wives was telling me girl, everything I was given was for a girl but one lady gave me a photo frame ( birthday boy my 1st birthday) I guess that was a sign out of everything pink and pretty there was a blue photo frame looking me dead in the eye.

When people would look at my bump and say”mmm I guess it’s going to be a boy” I would scream and tell them there wrong it’s a little girl but oh how I was wrong

My boyfriend said from day one he wants a little boy, I would laugh and say nope gonna have a little princess

When the 20 week scan came I was outside the room adding little dresses into my shopping basket I must of had 1000 bows and socks with bows to match ready to go once I had confirmation she’s a little girl, they still wait in my basket.

I heard my name be called as I walked into the room I heard my boyfriend say I bet his a boy, shut up don’t be stupid,

My mum and his aunt waited outside I heard them both say I bet it’s a boy. 

As I lay waiting for the lady to tell me I’m having a girl she asked us what we hoped for without thinking I said a little girl and my boyfriend said a boy

As the scan went on I lay there wondering what my daughter would look like.

“Aw look at his little face” the lady said but she tried to say she said this.

She then went to scan in between the legs and there it was it legs wide open with a little willy… ” it’s a boy” 

My boyfriends face lit up with a huge smile, I wanted to cry.

Once out of the room my mum and his aunt were dying to know what we was having

I walked off I didn’t wanna tell anyone I was the mother of a son…

After that everyone took my boyfriend to the pub to celebrate him getting his son… but what about me ? What do I have to celebrate? My daughter is dead, 

My mum, nan and little sister took me shopping to buy little boy outfits, but I didn’t wanna see blue I wanted pink, I stood and cried in the girls area & walked out the shop, I didn’t wanna buy anything blue, my son doesn’t own anything blue till this day.

The joy I finally got in my pregnancy was gone with three words”it’s a boy” 

Everyone asked for a scan photo on facebook 

Stupid me put ” can’t wait to find out if it’s gonna be pink or blue” three hours before hand 

I had planned for a gender reveal balloon to be done at my baby shower but my baby shower never happened I didn’t want anyone knowing I am the mother of a son.

I posted a photo on facebook instead, with no words just a photo of the babies face

Roll on the come on what are you having comments 

My boyfriends sister posted it all over facebook she’s getting a nephew… great everyone now knows I am the mother of a son…

While everyone I know is pregnant or had little girls I am stuck with a son 

People say you can always try again but what if it’s another boy? No-one thinks about that one.
I would like to say it will past and it gets easier but for me it hasn’t 

I hate the fact I am the mother of a son